Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I am midnight drunk by noon
She just used a chaser for red wine.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
