I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
