If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
i think my cat just said my name.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
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