Everything about him screamed your future.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
