My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
