we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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