You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Dignity is for republicans.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Randomize
