I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
