yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Randomize
