In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
