Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
