I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Oh god it's open bar.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
