It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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