Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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