Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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