fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
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