I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I'm both gender and math confused
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