What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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