I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
