My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
