This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize
