I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize