Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
