But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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