I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
