ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
