sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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