apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
