It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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