you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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