Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
