i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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