Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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