Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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