some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
