i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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