YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
