then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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