just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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