Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
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