I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
