i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
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