Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
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