you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
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