i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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