I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
