i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Randomize