I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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