she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Randomize
