You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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