I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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