I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
