what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize
