I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
