She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
