woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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