The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Randomize
