I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
