I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Randomize
