party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Randomize
