May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
