i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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