Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Im part way to drunk.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
