I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
