Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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