okay pat passed out under dana's car
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
