why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
