you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Bring me that man meat
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Randomize