I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Randomize
