She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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