Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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