i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
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