week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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