I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
