i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Sorry about my life...
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Randomize
