His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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