We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Randomize
