We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Randomize
