We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
