you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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