K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
