my mouth tastes like poor choices
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
