Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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