What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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