I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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