Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Randomize
