it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I smell like Dick and happiness
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
