I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
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