i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
