Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
