i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize