you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize
