my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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