I'm jealous of your bromance
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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