After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Randomize