I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
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