What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
