so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
