I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
