I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
