Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
