why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize