and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
