I puked a lego.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
