so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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