I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
