Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Randomize
