you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
